I have long admired Becky Kimball, first for her talented work as a photographer, and then as I got to know her, I began to learn of what a wonderful person she is. She is always positive, always cheerful, and so loving. Above all, she cherishes and loves her family, and it is so evident in the way she talks about them. One of the things that I must admire about Becky is her testimony and love of the Savior. She has had some very difficult trials in her life, and it never ceases to amaze me to hear her testimony and faith, it truly is beautiful and moving–and so inspiring to me. I can’t wait to share her thoughts on Finding Your Answers.
If you are new to the Finding your Answers Series–It’s a special month–all month long we will be posting thoughts from inspiring women about finding answers from God as they live their life in faith. Find more about this series here.
Finding answers has evolved in to an overwhelmingly personal journey for me. My “Road to Damascus” as it says in a conference talk by President Uchtdorf in April 2011, has been a love/hate journey. Love for the knowledge that He is always with me. Love that He knows me and loves me. Love that so many truly amazing blessings have been given me because of these answers. But on the other side, there has been a loneliness I have sometimes felt when the answer wasn’t part of “my” plan. At just 24, I was faced with one of the hardest (if not thee absolute hardest) trials of my life. My first child returned to heaven when she was just 5 months old and it was nothing short of life altering. I couldn’t believe it. I had lived my life in such a way that something like that shouldn’t happen to me. Someone once told me that when a child loses their parent, they are an orphan. When a wife loses her husband she is a widow. But there is no word for a parent who loses their child because it’s unnatural.
The Lord has said, “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” D&C 42:45. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life. Tears are the price we pay for love in this world. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of love. I fell to my knees with a completely broken spirit in hopes that He would make sense of it all. It did not come overnight and it did not come easy but what I learned from that divine pivotal moment was that I had to have faith. Faith in His answer and faith that He loves me and hasn’t forgotten about me. As Robert Frost said, with many things the only way out is through. And I still am going through this. But I am reminded time and time again that however long and hard the journey, however dark the night, my Savior is with me. He hath “descended below them all.” D&C 122:8. I had to take that leap of faith and just hope that all those things I believed were true. Sometimes it takes us acting in faith to receive those answers because that’s what faith is…”conviction of things not seen.” In all honesty, there are still moments 11 years later that I don’t make sense of it but I have come to know that it is ok because I am human. We are not alone.
As time has passed, I have experienced many other trials and have needed answers to those questions I have. I know that those who diligently seek to learn of Christ, attend the temple and listen to the great and wonderful promises that are ours and our family’s, can be comforted. I am comforted knowing that I can grab on to my Savior’s hand and put my trust in Him.
Follow Becky Kimball here.